I have lost people dear to me before: parents, grandparents, aunts, uncle, and my dear Godparents. Through divorce, I lost my first husband; even though I was the one who sought it, it has never stopped being a weight and sorrow upon my heart.
But the weight of grief upon my heart when my dear husband died this last spring has been, at times, crushing. It is no longer the only thing I see in my life. Now, there are ordinary happy events. Meals out with my eldest brother and sister-in-law, who live about four miles from me. Plans for a visit with a nearly lifelong friend whom I haven’t seen in eons. Pictures of cats sent to me daily by some married friends who both seem to adore their furry friends. Lunch out recently with an old friend, which I wrote about in my last blog post called When The River Won’t Flow: Stones and Letters
Oh — and those Letters! They proved to be extraordinary gifts that I hadn’t looked at in years — letters between myself and my friend, who became my much-beloved husband.
Perhaps due to our love’s riches, the feelings of loss are crushing and overwhelming at times. At times those shifts of emotion seem to happen within nanoseconds. All I know to do is to keep on keeping on. God’s hands hold even this.